Orange Alert, Non-Fat with Soy

I was waiting in the airport when some automated feminine voice informed me that the security alert had been raised to orange.

ORANGE! Oh my god. Get the troops. Look out for the Arabs. Guard your back. The security alert is orange. The reds are coming. We're all gonna die. AAAAAHhhhhhhh!!!

Then I wondered what the fuck orange meant.

Does anyone waiting for a flight know what the fuck orange means? Does anyone in this airport know what the fuck orange means? Hello?

The rest of the announcement asked us to watch for any suspicious behavior. Look out for any unattended bags. Listen in on the phone call of the person sitting next to you. Wait. I don't remember that last one but it sounds strangely familiar.

---

Read More

Tori Spelling: So Bargain Basement

I had bought a used copy of Tori Spelling's So Notorious television series because, in this video of Tori getting a parking ticket, she was so nice. The series was sweet and funnily self-deprecating - worth the time it took to watch it. When I was finished watching it, I brought the two discs in to sell them back to the kind folks at Rasputin Records. They gave me 10¢ (that's ten cents) for the set.

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

---

Read More